I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
two words: eviction party
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
