if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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