wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
