Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
