I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
