Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
