It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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You're like the curious george of whores
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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