I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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