If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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