the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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