im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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