I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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