well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
