I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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