I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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