i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
