is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
