Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
