What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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