Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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