So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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