On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
