what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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