So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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