Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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