dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
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im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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