Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
