Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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