If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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