I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want to fling myself into the sun
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
