Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you didnt know i had herpes?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
