i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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