On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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