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apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
