It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
