I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
