chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
