He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
