Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
