dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
