i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
