My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
