It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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