becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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