Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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