it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
