Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
