Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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