Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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