there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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