I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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