if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's not a walk of shame if you run
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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