we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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