well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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