Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
