i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
