you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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