you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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