I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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