im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Randomize
