i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
