she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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