hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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