I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
