Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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