just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
