margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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