I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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