we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
