At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
