I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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