Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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