Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
