Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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