Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
