she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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