I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
