know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
